Naming the Masses...

I talked briefly in my last post about one of my gripes - people giving themselves nicknames. It got me thinking about the names that me and my friends (one of which has his own nickname: Jabba) had thought up for people.

The reason for this list is because it gives you an insight into what nicknames should be about and why sometimes it's just best to introduce yourself by your true name, lest we make up a name for you.

My apologies go out to anyone who suspects themselves to be on this list. I'm fairly sure I've not included anyone who will read this, but if so... well, I'm sorry, you should've introduced yourselves sooner:

1) Fat Man Sadsack
2) Klingon Dan
3) Shitface
4) Jellybaby Ange
5) Gummy Joe
6) Ugly Bob
7) Queer Dean
8) Rat-faced Ange
9) Horseface
10) Slabcraker/Rhinoceros face
11) Germ
12) Harry Potter Chris
13) Blind Andy
14) Doughnut Face
15) Behemoth
16) Metallica Mouse (this has got to be my favourite)
17) Kebab
18) Flammable Girl
19) Cross-eyed girl
20) Mightybeard
21) Lumberjack
22) Monk Guy
23) Linkin Park Kid
24) Bacheweychomp Boy
25) Pedo Jim
26) Shiny girl
27) Glasses girl
28) Cat girl
29) Jesus Mark
30) Big Fat Big Gay Rob (he wasn't even gay!)
31) Marcus Dweebus
32) Asteroid
33) Pink (someone who looked like Pink, the singer)
34) That Slut. (I guess our imagination ran out at this point)
35) Darrenindrag
36) Pube
37) Jim From American Pie
38) The 3rd Place
39) Voldo
40) Bam-Bam
41) Asteroth
42) Sausage Roll
43) Straight Face
44) Onion Tramp
45) Spitter
46) Leslak
47) Druggy/Douggie
48) Wolfturd
49) Pigby/Yank
50) Beetroot ghost
51) Anthony Stokes (this was my nickname for a short period)
52) Jimmy (his real name was Andrew... makes sense)
53) Grange Hill (pure genius, if you ever met this girl)
54) Cat pee Lady
55) Capital D (he was 'D' shaped)
56) Spherical Man/Fatback
57) Salad Fingers/Benny
58) Herman the German
59) Boxer Girl (she looked like a boxer)

Ok, so these are all the ones I can think of at the moment, but you can see the general trend here. Bar the occasional observational statement, most of these nicknames are not what people would like to introduce themselves as and, for that very reason, they are true nicknames.

Suddenly, your real name doesn't seem that bad does it?