Obviously, as I drive my bike a great deal and have done so since I bought it brand new (only this time last year), I know how the bike should fel and when there is something wrong. The problem is, I'm mechanically retarded, so explaining such issues to the dealer can be quite difficult.
The challenges I now face started at the end of January. Shortly after that horribly chilly snap we had which gave so many people excuses to stay at home, I noticed that the bike was not riding right. The trouble is, describing this particular issue was difficult. I could best describe this as a lack of 'ooomph'. This is apparently not a recognised mechanical phrase in a motorcycle dealership. So, I took the bike in and lo and behold, there was no issue found. They re-tuned the engine or 'downloaded the latest tune settings'. My attempt at humour by saying, "Ooh, like iTunes? Will I be able to play my songs on here?" was met with a stern shake of the head as though, deep down, they believed I was actually stupid enough to plug my iPod into the exhaust.
So, I took my bike away and it was not long before I realised that the issue was unresolved. Thankfully, each time it happened it gave me an indication of when it would occur and I hoped the information would give the dealers an idea of the problem. The difficulty was, it made sense whatsoever. When I took the bike back, my description was as follows:
"You see, when I'm driving it, from cold, I get about a mile, perhaps two down the road, and then at about 6,000 rpm the power goes. That's not to say that the power goes it just doesn't come. That is, when I say come, I mean I accelerate and nothing happens and then the bike slows down. But I don't have to be accelerating, it's hard to hold a steady speed. But then, after about a mile, the power will come back."
They looked at me again as though I was a bit special. "So, when does this occur?"
"When it's cold. In the morning. It tends to be Tuesdays or Thursdays"
"So on days beginning with 'T'?" they asked. I think this may have been their attempt at humour but there was no sign of it in their face.
"Um, well. Not just T's. It's happened on Saturday too. Perhaps Days beginning with 'S' are also a problem?" I smiled, but they noted this down. It seemed like they were actually documenting my verbal diarrhea. "So can you help?"
Once again, the shop took the bike from me, giving me a loan bike and they performed their tests. Once again, nothing was found and I had to take it back on two more occasions before they kept it in for a longer stint. During this time, one of the guys in the store rode the bike to work and back for a week and found the loss of power happened whilst he was riding it. Sure enough, I wasn't mental. They replaced the throttle and returned the bike. Problem solved...
or so I thought.
You see, within the period of about a month the bike began to feel less responsive at certain points which were - it seemed - entirely random and thus, difficult to explain. This led to me saying such gems as:
"It feels like I have a fat guy on the back of my bike, but only through certain gears."
"It's making me stall, but I swear it's the bike."
"It feels like the wheels are the wrong shape."
"It feels like someones got a rope tied to the back of the bike and they're pulling it when I'm driving."
"It feels almost like I'm underwater."
At this point I realised that, despite the issue being very real, I was unfortunately completely incapable of describing it in a way that would not make me sound like a raving idiot. The shop took the bike in and ran various tests without result but the problems still persisted. It all reached fever pitch when I finally had to make the call to them with a new issue; the general transcript of the call I can provide below:
"Hi, is that Mr. Breeze?"
"Um, yeah it's me again. Hi."
"How can we help you today?"
"Um, well I'm having problems with the bike again."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that. Is it the throttle again?"
"No, the bike won't turn left."
(At this point, I actually heard them sigh).
You can imagine the rest of the call. Essentially, what I was trying to say was that the engine cut out when I turned the handlebars to the left. They asked for me to bring the bike in (obviously assuming that it was one of my 'crazy' days) and I managed to get it to them, only for the mechanic to look at the wiring behind the steering column and say, "Ah, that's the problem. A wire is frayed. This bike is not safe. I would not recommend riding this bike."
Not a good sign for me to see at that point.
Very reassuring thing to say, especially as my heart rate from the terrifying drive to the shop had only just began to drop.
You see, for all my verbal flatulence, for all my faults when it comes to describing mechanical problems, there is always something wrong. It's just that I fail to explain it to them. With this particular problem, they replaced the ignition set and sent me on my merry way but the bike was still not feeling right. So, I did what I absolutely hoped I wouldn't have to and emailed their CEO. Apparently my verbal diarrhea doesn't translate onto email, which is useful.
Thankfully, a month on, and they've tested the bike and took it back to the factory for repair. I am hoping for a swift resolution and that the issues will not return and so far they have given me no reason to believe this not to be the case. I've made a specific point of NOT mentioning the make or model of bike I have on this blog or the name of the dealer because despite these very dangerous and very numerous issues I've had, the dealers have always done their best to help. At the end of the day, the bike is faulty, it's a dud, but it could happen to any company and until they really annoy me, I don't feel it would be fair to name them here.
I have learnt two things from this whole experience however:
1) If you have a problem, go straight to the top.
2) I'm terrible at describing mechanical problems.
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