If only snow days like this existed across the whole of the UK...
I, on the other hand, sit and wait for the snow with a sick feeling in my stomach. This is because I -- unlike everyone else it seems -- actually remembers what has happened previous years. Some people seem to stick with the romantic childhood memories they have of 'snow days' and schools being closed and there being so much of the white stuff it was impossible to get around. They remember days when the whole country came to a standstill and accepted the surprise holiday. They were days without worry.
But those days are over. Now, each winter is wet, incredibly cold and a fucking nightmare to travel during. The snow is not deep enough to warrant a snow day (unless you skive off work, of course) and the councils are not adept enough to keep the roads clear so you're left in the ultimate limbo of thinking 'I really need to get to work' but at the same time thinking 'Why the fuck are my brakes not working?' This is the harsh reality of British winter for the majority of the country.
I live in Staffordshire, in a particular area where the council is so useless and -- dare I say -- corrupt, that we haven't even got enough grit. Apparently it's too costly. Grit, which is just dirt with salt in it is to goddamn costly. But apparently sending the council leaders to Portugal or some place for important meetings isn't. Don't get me wrong, this is not new news or anything, it's a well known fact that a portion of the city centre where I live wasn't finished because of such council 'motivational outings'. I'd love to motivate those idiots with a Molotov through the window of their all-expenses paid houses... Well, I'm not a violent person but you see my point.
Anyway, we haven't got enough grit to have a safe journey and as a result we're all suffering. The sweaty, virus-ridden bowels of public transport are clogged with the bodies of flued-up commuters, the taxis are charging through the roof and everyone is struggling just to get to work in the mornings. "There's snow everywhere and it's turning to ice! I can't beleive how bad it is!" is what everyone is now saying as though it's some tremendous Newtonian discovery.
You can't believe how bad it is?... hmmm. How about, you think back 12 months and then you'll REMEMBER how bad it is because it's exactly what has happened every year for over a decade. There's been a bit of snow -- or a fuckload of ice -- and everyone is moaning. There's not much we can do whilst the council is spending money on trips abroad and hookers and god knows what else so how about we just shut up about it and stop wishing a crappy white Christmas on everyone?! Or, have a brain span of more than a couple of weeks.
For those people who live in areas which have had so much snow they can't contemplate going to work and can enjoy the wintery goodness; good for you. Just spare a thought for those who're stuck in the slushy, icy areas and have retarded people in charge... oh, and enjoy your snow. The rest of us should just remember we're not that lucky when the next dump of slushy crap is due to land on us.
That's the stuff. Isn't it lovely? NO! Remember this!
It's not just snow I dislike at this time of year. It's 'New Year's Resolutions'... has anyone ever kept a New Year's Resolution? In fact I stand corrected, the only person I know whose ever kept a New Year's Resolution is a guy who made a resolution a few years back to never make a Resolution. He seems to be doing pretty well and I don't blame him. Every year when I go to the gym there's a new influx of fat people who I see for all of a week before disappearing back into their crisp packets. What's the point even disappointing yourself anymore? Or, how about we all just make resolutions to continue doing the things we've tried (and failed) to stop doing for the last twenty years?
I only say this because I've just seen the first of many 'how to stop smoking' or 'how to get fit' programmes that are forced in our face every year. Why broadcast them at the one time of year which is notorious for people failing to stick to what they promise? I'll never understand. In this particular show there was a fat woman who wanted to lose weight and was, to be frank, a juggernaut. She followed what the presenter said, followed his crap diet and then we managed to get a glimpse of her a few months later after she'd been 'slimming' and guess what?
She still looked like the Hindenburg... crashing. Seen the video footage? All those people running away screaming as the massive blimp falls to the ground? That's you, honey.
"Oh, you look gorgeous", "I can't believe how slim you look", "Fabulous!". How can the presenters of these shows be happy with the outcome and not feel disappointed? This big manatee woman has just made you look like a lying knob and your diet look like tripe... how can you be happy?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not slagging off fat people because fat people are mint. The majority of fat people I know are happy with their weight and if they ever want to lose a few pounds they won't make promises they can't keep or go on national TV. It's just the act of appearing on these shows and conforming to the belief that making some half-arsed promise is going to make a difference that irritates me.
Happy New Year everyone, it's time to plaster on a fake smile and run through this shit one more time...
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