I'm Going on Holiday!

Yeah, it's in the title. This is less of a ranting post and more of a brag. For that I am sorry. But, in all honesty, I think I deserve it. The last few months (as you may have guessed by my lack of posts) have been pretty shitty to me, but thankfully many nice things have happened recently and I'm finally back to my jolly self again.

So, part of the treat is a holiday to this place:

Well, that's part of the island I'm going to. That's Anse Lazio. It may sound like a greasy Italian porn star, but it is in fact a beach. A very beautiful beach. In truth, it is widely regarded as the most beautiful beach in the whole world.

It's in the Seychelles, on the wonderful island of Praslin which is where I will be off to in less than a week. Also, on this island you have nuts. But not just any normal nuts... no, Paradise does nuts differently:

The travel guide claims that its 'milkshake brings the boys to the yard'

That's right. Paradise makes nuts look like a particularly curvaceous lady, bending over. And for those of you who are particularly amorous and/or lonely you will be glad to know that they are of a suitable size:

Ignore the child. Ignore the child.

This is the Coco de Mer nut, the largest nut in the world. It is only found in the Seychelles and is just another reason I chose this place as a particular holiday destination.

But, apart from beautiful beaches and nuts the size of your head, what else is there to see? Well, look at these happy chappies:

OK, so maybe not everyone is a fan of sharks. Especially that tiger shark I linked above which is directly taken from an article about the man who was killed by one at the island I'm going to (just last year). But, as I've said before, I fucking love sharks. They are the most badass fish in the ocean; you could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool with the amount of fucks they don't give... and I intend to dive with them, assuming I can find them before they find me.

So, I will undoubtedly provide you with an insight into the joys of my trip upon my return but until then I am going to be doing useful things like packing, getting last minute inoculations and looking up the correct way to make tourniquets to stop arterial bleeding.