When I was younger I had a fear of clowns. I know what you're thinking: another person who says he's scared of clowns because he watched Stephen King's IT and mentions it for quirkiness. But no, I never watched IT and you know why? Because I was fucking scared shitless of clowns and watching it at that age would've been nothing short of psychological suicide. I had a paralysing fear of them, even to the point that during a school play I couldn't look at my best friend because he was dressed as a clown.
I remember standing at the top of a slide on a family holiday to Cornwall and refusing to move because a clown was standing at the bottom of the slope. No matter how much the kids pushed behind me, I was NOT going to go down that slide whilst that make-up wearing rent boy was standing at the bottom. My Dad had to go and ask him politely to move along but in a way that would draw attention away from me. After all, if my Dad had said "Please move on sir, my son hates clowns", the clown would've undoubtedly tried to make amends for his clowning ways by looking -- or even talking -- at me, and I would not have been able to bear that.
I think my fear subsided when I was 13 and I finally agreed to go to the circus. But even at that point, where other kids were holding their hands up to be chosen to ride the elephants I was thinking "Please, God don't choose me." My fear had gone, but I still didn't like clowns. Even to this day there is something about them I just don't like.
Another fear, which is terribly embarrassing and incredibly politically incorrect is a fear of people with Down's Syndrome. Obviously I'm not all that scared of them anymore so don't go getting on your high horses, but an inherent unnerving feeling still remains when one sits near me on public transport. I am ashamed to admit that when I was about 9 me and one of my friends approached 'the new kid' who had moved in round the corner with the intent of making friends with him. We also thought it would be interesting to find out why he was manically slapping the water of the canal near to us with a stick and moaning. Perhaps, with a little pre-thought we would've seen that something wasn't quite right with him.
We approached him to and said "Hi, we live-" before being cut off. He looked up at us and jumped from his stooping position making a sound similar to Chewbacca from the Star Wars movies. Me and my friend didn't know what to do so we ran away and the new kid chased us, or at least ran in the same direction, which was enough to convince us that he was going to eat our brains.
I know, I'm a terrible person, but when someone with a stick chases you at the age of 9 you assume they are out to kill you and eat your brains. It was only when I described the incident to my Dad that he explained the child's illness and made me feel terrible about the whole thing. My inability to deal with mentally disabled people in a rational way only makes me appreciate and respect those that choose a career in mental care even more.
With both my clown fear and my fear of people with mental disabilities I managed to suppress these to a level where they now only cause me mild discomfort but there is one fear that never went away. It's something that scared me so much that I didn't dare talk about it for the first part of my life in case people found out and used my weakness against me. It was my fear of frogs.
Look at it, it just WANTS to kill me
When I saw a frog when I was younger I would freeze up completely and not utter a word and would try to hide my discomfort as much as possible. I'm glad I did. If anyone had found out that I was terrified of frogs, they would've undoubtedly thrown one at me or put on in my shoe and that would've been unbearable. No, I kept quiet about my fear and actually convinced myself I wasn't scared. I didn't really encounter a frog again for a few years and I was only reminded of my fear when one night, walking drunkenly back home from a night out, I stopped to look at a rock which was sitting on the pavement. I stooped to take a good look and the rock jumped at me. It jumped AT MY FACE. Before I knew it, I'd ran the rest of the way home. I'd worked out within a couple of seconds that the rock was a frog, but that somehow didn't make the situation any better. I had been reminded of my number 1 fear.
There are some pretty bizarre fears out there, here's a short list of my favourites:
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights
Ballistophobia- Fear of missiles or bullets (that's actually quite logical I would guess?)
Bibliophobia- Fear of books
Chirophobia- Fear of hands
Coprastasophobia
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing
Genophobia- Fear of sex (that's gotta suck)
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting
Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words (my favourite)
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews
Kosmikophobia- Fear of cosmic phenomenon
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping
Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (very specific!)
So really, after that list, a fear of frogs isn't all that random.
Most of these fears are illogical which is why it brings a smile to my face thinking about them, but it is the logical fears that we all have which I hope to one day conquer. The fear of dying alone, the fear of being unsuccessful, the fear of being forgotten. By surrounding myself with friends and family and ensuring I live my life to the full with no negative implications to myself, my friends or any of our futures, I hope to get over these fears and I hope all of you do too.
I wish you all the best for the new year. Let's make it a good one!
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